


When I'm With You

by halfsweet



Category: Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Emotional, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-31
Updated: 2015-12-31
Packaged: 2018-05-10 16:36:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5593309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halfsweet/pseuds/halfsweet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After four years of working overseas, Brendon finally returns home and runs into his ex, and he's feeling conflicted about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When I'm With You

**Author's Note:**

> Have some Brentrick to start off your 2016!
> 
> Title and story inspired by the song of the same title by Faber Drive. (Is it too much to ask for if I ask you to listen to it while reading this?)

"Neat place you got here."

Brendon smiles as he enters his house- so estrange, yet so familiar. He can't remember the last time he set his foot into his house. Granted, it's been years, and he has almost forgotten just how his house looks like.

Spencer walks up behind him and places his bag down on the floor, and strolls into the living room. "You lived here all by yourself?"

Brendon follows him and sits on a sofa, glancing around the area. Every inch of surface of furniture are covered with dusts, and Brendon regrets not hiring someone to look after his house the entire time he's away in another country.

He leans back against the sofa and cranes his neck to the side, and notices a frame on the small corner table next to the sofa he's sitting on. He extends his arm and reaches for the frame, wiping the dust away with his hand.

It's a picture of them from when they were still dating. The short, older man was beaming at the camera, blushing, and Brendon was gazing at him, love evident in his eyes.

Brendon smiles at the picture. It's been years since they've last contacted each other, though, he wishes he had. He doesn't know what the other man's up to right now, and he misses him the second he got on the airplane.

"Who's that?" Spencer flops down next to him and peers at the frame.

"Patrick." Every time Brendon says his name, he can't help the smile on his face. The name, along with the person, never fails to make his heart flutter with happiness. He has always felt calm when he's around him.

"So this is the infamous Patrick, huh?" Spencer teases him, nudging him playfully on the ribs. "Not bad. He looks pretty cool."

"He is," Brendon flushes, still smiling. "He's the best person you'll ever meet."

"Well, now that you're back, are you going to see him?" Spencer questions, back to inspecting the room.

"It's been four years, Spence," Brendon sighs, placing the frame back in its place. "I doubt he's still living here."

-

_"Do you really have to go?"_

_Brendon's hand dropped from his tie as he looked at Patrick, still laying on the bed and curled up under the sheet, leaving only his bare shoulder revealed._

_"I'm sorry." Brendon sat down on the bed and raked his fingers through Patrick's hair. Patrick let out a small sigh, and Brendon felt guilty. He never liked making Patrick sad. "I really have a meeting-"_

_"Hey, it's okay," Patrick comforted him, taking Brendon's hand in his and kissing his knuckles. "You do what you have to do. I'll have to get up soon anyway."_

_Brendon stared at Patrick in adoration. He didn't know how he managed to have Patrick. Unlike his previous exes, Patrick had never gotten mad at him about his job._

_He leaned down and planted a kiss on the crown of Patrick's head, then another on his forehead, nose, and finally his lips. His heart fluttered at the sound of Patrick's giggle. He really wanted to make Patrick happy._

_"I'll take you out on a date tonight. Dress nice." Brendon stuck his tongue out playfully and ruffled Patrick's hair before getting up._

_"Really?"_

_There was the smile on Patrick's face that Brendon could never get tired of seeing._

_"Yeah," Brendon shot him a grin. "I'm going now. Love you."_

_He barely heard Patrick's reply for he's already out of the room._

-

"I don't get why we need to buy groceries," Brendon frowns as he holds two different brands of cookies in his hands, scrutinizing each one. "We can always order take-out. We're only here for a short while anyway. The office will call us to work on some whatever country again."

"You don't know that," Spencer lightly slaps his arm and takes the cookie boxes from Brendon's hands and puts them into the cart. "Besides, what's the harm in it? We get to travel _while_ working. That's pretty awesome."

 _Not as awesome as having to leave someone you love behind_ , Brendon sighs to himself and folds his hands on the cart handle. Ever since he got back from work overseas, he finds himself thinking of Patrick every second of the day. It doesn't help that Patrick used to live in his house, so everything in the house reminds him of the older man.

He returns back to reality when he realizes Spencer is nowhere in sight. He frowns and stays at his spot, in case Spencer comes back. Seriously, a grown man shouldn't be enjoying grocery shopping too much.

He takes out his phone and plays some game to kill time. From the years he lived with Spencer, Brendon has learned that Spencer is a very picky buyer. So Brendon's stuck with at least another hour or so until they can go back.

The game pauses half-way as his phone begins to ring, displaying Spencer's name.

_"Get your ass and the cart to the fruits section. Do you expect me to carry everything in my arms?"_

The call ends without Brendon managing to say a single word. He chuckles at the image of Spencer struggling to hold some fruits. Maybe he should take his time to get to Spencer; something like a payback for making him stuck in the store far longer than necessary.

He whistles as he pushes the cart around, glancing between the shelves and taking any snacks that looks delicious. He's counting the items in the cart when he accidentally bumps into another.

"Oh, I'm so sorry!"

Brendon stiffens at the voice, and he slowly raises his head to look at the person in front of him, with his head bowed down and spluttering in apology.

"-didn't see where I was going-"

"Patrick?"

The said person looks up, eyes widen in shock. "Brendon? Y- you're back…?"

Brendon gapes at him, mouth hanging open. He can't believe what he's seeing. Patrick is in front of him. _Physically_. Not a shadow or a figment of his dreams. He's _real_ and currently in front of him.

He nods slowly and steps forward, unsure of how to approach the other man. Patrick's face slowly breaks out into a smile as he, too, steps forward. "Brendon! You're back!"

Brendon grins, all his previous hesitation disappeared, and he spreads his arms at the same time Patrick outstretches his hand. They both look at each other in awkwardness, then avert their gazes.

Brendon lowers his arms down, and grabs Patrick's hand in a loose handshake. "It's, um, really good to see you again."

"Yeah, you too." Patrick smiles shyly, releasing their hands. "Brendon, I-"

A shrill ringtone chimes from Brendon's phone, and he begrudgingly answers it, giving Patrick a look of apology.

_"Where the hell are you? My arms are getting tired."_

"Okay, okay. I'm coming," Brendon sighs and ends the call. He turns to look at Patrick, who is looking down at the floor. Brendon can't remember if they have ever been awkward around each other. "Did you want to tell me something?"

"Uh, no. Don't worry about it," Patrick assures him. "I'm just gonna get going, and, yeah… It's nice seeing you again, Bren."

Patrick begins to walk away, and Brendon stares at him in sadness. Patrick used to hug him whenever he spreads his arms, but he still uses Brendon's nickname when they were dating, so he counts that for a slight win.

With a sigh, he makes his way to Spencer over at the fruits section. Spencer has a pissed off look on his face, which quickly changes into a worried one when he sees Brendon. "Hey, you okay?"

Brendon runs his fingers through his hair, chuckling mirthlessly. "I saw Patrick."

"You did?" Spencer's mouth hangs open. "How was he?"

"He's fine, I guess. As always." He sighs and props his elbow on the bar handle of the cart, resting his chin on his palm. "He looks amazing than the last time we saw each other. God, Spence, you should've seen him."

Spencer eyes him for a moment before dumping some of the fruits he has picked prior into the cart. "So, what now? You love him again?"

Brendon turns his head and smiles solemnly at Spencer. "I've never stopped loving him."

-

_Brendon woke up to fingers in his hair, brushing against his scalp. He opened his eyes slowly and found that he was curled up on the couch. The memories of what happened last night came rushing to him, and he jolted up straight, locking his gaze with Patrick's._

_After he got back from his work last night, he noticed Patrick sleeping sitting up on the couch, all dressed up. He was wondering why Patrick was dressing nicely when it hit him like a ton of bricks. He had promised to take Patrick out on a date that night. Feeling an immense amount of guilt, Brendon curled around him, head on Patrick's lap, stifling his sobs so Patrick wouldn't wake up._

_"Patrick…" Brendon felt his throat tightened when he looked at the other man's expression. He could deal with Patrick getting mad at him, he could deal with Patrick yelling or giving him the silent treatment, but he couldn't deal with Patrick smiling at him and forgiving him after Brendon_ ditched their date for his work, and forgot to tell him about it _._

_He could feel tears burning the back of his eyes, and he slid down to his knees in front of Patrick, burying his head in his lap. "Patrick, I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to! I'm sorry!"_

_His body began to tremble with sobs. Patrick still had his fingers in his hair and moved down to rub the back of his neck. "Brendon, it's okay."_

_Brendon didn't have to look up to know that Patrick was smiling at him, trying to comfort him, and that made Brendon cried harder. "It's not okay! I stood you up, and I didn't even tell you that I was working late."_

_Above him, Patrick kept quiet, but didn't remove his hand from Brendon. The room was silent with the exception of Brendon's occasional sobbing._

_"You should be mad at me." Brendon murmured once he calmed down. "You shouldn't be comforting me."_

_"Brendon…"_

_He lifted his head to look up at Patrick when the latter cupped his face. He could see the understanding look in Patrick's eyes- tired and bloodshot, but still understanding nonetheless. Brendon didn't know what he did to deserve such great person in his life._

_"Brendon, I love you." Patrick said softly, wiping the tears from Brendon's face with his thumb. "It's work. I understand."_

_Brendon rubbed his eyes and laced their fingers together, feeling comforted at how they fit perfectly. "I'll make it up to you. I promise."_

-

 _From: Dallon_  
_21:45:09_  
_hey dude, heard you're back in town? im throwing a party on new year's eve at my place. dont forget to come_

Brendon shows the message to Spencer, who then looks at him in question. "Okay. So?"

"You wanna come with?" Brendon asks him.

Spencer shrugs and flips the channel on the television. "Yeah, sure. Why not? It's not like we have something to do anyway."

Brendon returns his attention to the television in front of him, mind wandering elsewhere. Will Patrick come to the party? He knows that Dallon is friends with Patrick, and Patrick most definitely gets the invitation.

And if Patrick does come, what is Brendon going to do? What is he even going to say to him? The encounter at the store was awkward enough, and Brendon wants everything to go back to the way they used to. Joking around, laughing, debating, cuddling…

"Are you thinking about him again?"

"Since when am I not?" Brendon glances at him, the corner of his lips quirk upwards. Spencer huffs- either at the lame television show or at him, Brendon can't really tell. "I'm never getting used to you being all serious."

"When you've found your someone, don't blame me if you start behaving the same way." Brendon takes a gulp from his beer and props his leg on the coffee table, taking off his glasses and pinching the bridge of his nose.

If Patrick were there with him right now, he would chide Brendon for putting his legs on the table, then he would carefully set Brendon's glasses aside on the table where it won't be crushed and cuddle up next to him.

A smile carves its way on Brendon's face as he reminisces their memories together. They would always accidentally exchange glasses when they were in a hurry, but Brendon is sure of one thing. Patrick looks good in glasses, whether it's his or Brendon's.

"Will you please just talk to him if he's at the party?" Spencer says exasperatedly, tired of seeing his friend in his lovestruck daze.

" _If_ he comes, then maybe."

-

_"Patrick!" Brendon burst through their bedroom, beaming wide, and tackled Patrick into a hug on the bed. "Patrick! Patrick!"_

_He heard Patrick's squeak of laughter and peppered his face with kisses, grinning when Patrick placed a hand on his back. "Did something happen?"_

_He scooted away so he could look at Patrick- massive bedhead present along with the happy flush in his cheeks. He leaned in for a quick kiss and bit his lip to contain himself from getting too excited at the news he's about to tell the other man._

_"Okay, something definitely did," Patrick laughed. "What is it, Bren?"_

_"We're going to Italy!" Brendon shouted in glee. "Patrick, we're going to Italy! Oh, fuck, we're_ staying _in Italy!"_

_"Italy? Wait, why?" Patrick arched his brow in suspicion._

_"My boss asked me to go to attend some business, but that's not what's important here! The important is that we're staying in Italy!" Brendon gushed, shaking Patrick back and forth by his shoulders in excitement._ "For four years!"

_When he took a look at Patrick's face, there was no happiness like he had expected. Brendon couldn't tell what expression was it, because there was a mix of emotions displayed on Patrick's face, and a million more in his eyes._

_"Patrick…? Aren't you excited?" Brendon asked, voice timid, worried at Patrick's reaction._

_"Four years?" Patrick finally said after a few seconds of silence. Brendon slumped his shoulders, nodding sullenly. He had a feeling something bad was going to happen._

_"But… my family, what about my friends? My job?" Patrick looked at him, forehead creased in worry. Brendon's heart twisted at Patrick's expression. He never liked making the older man sad or worry, especially if it concerned him._

_"You can still contact them…?" Brendon gave his suggestion, then continued in a soft voice, "But, you know… it's your choice. I won't push."_

_Patrick shifted on the bed, sitting cross-legged and letting out a sigh. "I don't know, Brendon. I mean, my life's here…"_

_Brendon knew right then and there that they're coming to an end. He couldn't keep making Patrick stay for him when even Brendon himself was rarely there for him. He honestly didn't expect them to still be a couple throughout the two years they had been dating. He had thought they would last much shorter than that, around six months tops._

_He knew how much Patrick had sacrificed to be with him. All the stuff they planned together would eventually be just_ plans _and nothing more. Patrick gladly made time for him, but Brendon just couldn't bring himself to. He loved Patrick as much as he loved his job. With a heavy heart, he finally came to a decision._

_"Patrick, I- I think we should just-" Brendon cut himself off and pretended to cough. His voice was beginning to break, and he wouldn't last if he dragged it any longer. "I think we should break up."_

_Patrick didn't look surprised at his words, he looked calm instead. Almost like he had expected the words to come from him any moment. "So… this is it? Is this where we end?"_

_Brendon turned his back around, refusing to cry in front of Patrick. He didn't want them to end at all._

_"Do you want me to leave now? I- I get it if-"_

_Brendon interrupted him before he could say any further. "No, just- please stay. You can- you can leave after I'm gone. Please?"_

_Patrick didn't say anything in reply, just rested his forehead on Brendon's shoulder. If two different sobs were heard in the room, then neither of them mentioned anything._

-

Brendon weaves himself through the bodies of people in Dallon's house, trying to find the house owner for the umpteenth time. How is it possible that Dallon invited him, yet they haven't seen each other when Brendon has been at the party for almost two hours now?

He sighs to himself and gives up, heading to the kitchen where he can get himself some beer. As he walks into the kitchen, he hears a familiar voice over the noise and sees Patrick's back leaving the kitchen through another door.

He rushes to the direction and slams the door open, but finds himself in another set of crowd. Patrick is also nowhere to be seen.

Tonight is just not his night. He trudges his way back to the kitchen and finds Spencer having a conversation with other guests. At least someone's having fun, Brendon thinks bitterly to himself.

Two hours into the party, and he only gets to see Patrick's back only for a short second. He elbows Spencer, catching his attention, and points to the door. "I think I'm going to call it a night."

"Why?" Spencer furrows his brows at him. "Is this about Patrick? What did he say?"

Brendon shakes his head. "No, it's… I can't find him. Maybe it's a sign that we're not meant to be together anymore."

Spencer glares at him, jabbing him on the chest, and Brendon stares at him, wide eyed. While Spencer gets angry often, it's never to the point where it's physical.

"I've endured four years of you pining over him, and you mean to tell me that you're going to give up just like that? You didn't even make an effort to find him!" Spencer bristles and crosses his arms. "Be a man, and go find him. Talk to him."

"Maybe I'm not that much of a man!" Brendon snaps back, then his face twists in guilt. "I'm sorry, Spence. I didn't mean to snap at you. I just…"

"You just need some air." Spencer finishes for him, voice firm.

"There's air at my place," Brendon retorts back and quickly makes his way out before Spencer can punch him again. When he's finally outside, away from the crowd and into the cool night, he takes a deep breath, composing himself.

His mind drifts back to the words he uttered to Spencer in the kitchen. Is it true? Are they really not meant to be together anymore?

Spencer may be right; Brendon didn't make an effort to find Patrick. He's scared that everything will be different for them, that they can no longer return to being happy with each other without being awkward.

But, oh God, no one knows just how much Brendon loves Patrick that he isn't willing to risk their happiness. He wants Patrick to be happy.

He feels his phone vibrates from the pocket of his pants and looks at the caller ID. His boss has always been a bit of a workaholic, almost like himself, so he's not surprised if he gets a call from his boss in the middle of the night.

_"Urie, sorry for calling late, but I have another job for you. It's not going to be long like before, just a little over a year at London. How about it?"_

"London?" Brendon is tempted to take the offer. He has always wanted to go to London, and to work and stay there for a year? He couldn't be any more lucky to have granted such opportunity.

A loud shout from the house reaches his ears, and he finds himself thinking of Patrick again. This was the reason they broke up in the first place; Brendon put his work first over everything, neglecting Patrick in the process.

With a newfound determination, he makes a decision to take the risk and fight for Patrick. He will do whatever it takes to repair what's left of them and have Patrick back by his side. He won't be scared of his own feelings any longer.

_"How about it, Urie?"_

Brendon smiles. "I'm sorry. I'm gonna have to say no to this one."

_"Are you sure? I'll even give you a raise. You're the only one I can count on right now."_

"Sorry, I think I left home long enough," Brendon says as he gazes at the house, where Patrick is currently inside, probably chatting with his friends and laughing, having the time of his life.

 _"Well… looks like we have to find someone else to do it with Smith."_ Brendon laughs and apologizes once again. _"But if you change your mind, you know who to call."_

With a grin, Brendon keeps his phone in his pocket and runs back to the party. It's almost midnight, and Brendon can feel the excitement building from surrounding him. He pushes his way through the seas of bodies, keeping his eyes open for Patrick.

The anticipation inside him rises as he imagines the look on Patrick's face when he tells him that he's staying for good.

He spots Spencer, still in the kitchen, and pulls him by the elbow, dragging him to the side.

"Brendon? I thought you'd already left!" Spencer shouts over the noise around them.

"Changed my mind!" Brendon shouts back, the grin still present on his face. Spencer seems to catch up and beams at him. "Good for you, man."

"Have you seen Patrick?" Brendon asks him.

"I just saw him going outside. Try the garden."

Brendon thanks him and braves through the crowd once again, heading to the direction of the garden. He takes a look at his watch; only one minute until midnight.

He plans to make a grand romantic gesture to show Patrick just how sorry he is for leaving him before. He wants to show Patrick just how much he misses him and how much he loves him. He has already planned on what he's going to say when he sees Patrick.

_"I promised that I'll make it up to you, and I'm keeping the promise I made. I'm back here for good. I won't leave again, I won't let you be second to my work anymore. I'll make every second count when I'm with you, and show you that I'll love you for the rest of my life. Whatever it takes, I'm not going to break the promise I made."_

But he knows the words won't come out when he's face-to-face with Patrick. Nevertheless, Brendon's going to start his year with Patrick by his side.

He reaches the garden and starts his search for the red-haired man in desperation. Even though he's outside, Brendon can still hear the crowd counting down to midnight.

_"Ten!"_

_"Nine!"_

_"Eight!"_

Brendon turns around the corner and lets out a stream of curses when he doesn't find Patrick. He dashes again, his heart pounding loud and hard against his chest at the thought of what's going to happen in mere seconds.

_"Five!"_

_"Four!"_

His face breaks out into a huge grin when he spots two silhouettes in the distance, but he recognizes a very familiar one after being together for years. He sprints towards Patrick, butterflies fluttering violently in his stomach. _This is it_.

_"Three!"_

_"Two!"_

_"One!"_

"I love you, Patrick."

_"Happy New Year!"_

Fireworks begin to go off, shooting into the sky above them. Patrick tilts his head, and even from a distance, _even in the dark_ , Brendon can see his face brighten, eyes shining with nothing but happiness and the most tender and the softest smile playing on his lips.

Brendon has never witnessed anything more beautiful yet heartbreaking at the same time, and he has also never realized just how much of a difference one second can make in someone's life.

"I love you too, Pete."

**Author's Note:**

> Or angst. Same thing.


End file.
